Vampires have continued to enjoy unending popularity (pun intended). Since the 1922 silent film Nosferatu through to the forthcoming Renfield movie starring Nicolas Cage as Dracula, cinema has spent a whole century teasing these mutants and flirting with bloodsuckers. It is important to mention that movies are not the only media of interest; because Vampiric myths go back thousands of years ago in ancient Mesopotamia and resurged from medieval times onwards on account of their association with Satanic concepts, yet another recurrent fear among Christendom.
Long before Kristen Stewart stared into Robert Pattinson’s eyes and Stephanie Meyers made vampires sparkle, Bram Stoker was developing vampire tropes during a Victorian period that was otherwise drenched in morality in his book Dracula. The Bela Lugosi adaptation plus many more have honed in on this character who often appears alongside or near beautiful girls who are unable to resist his hypnotic gaze. HBO’s True Blood became hugely popular by using ‘coming-out of the coffin’ as an allegory for its LGBTQ-affirming perspective on vampire mythology.
Notably, it is this exact phrase that director Meredith Edwards uses in her new movie Bite Me which can now be streamed or rented. Whether Naomi McDougall Jones included the term as a referential homage or took it for her own purposes remains a matter of debate, but her film expands upon the show’s updated portrayal of vampirism and runs with it.
But when all is said and done, Bite Me seems more about embracing one’s inner weirdness than actual vampire legends. Indeed, traditional lore surrounding vampires are almost immediately dispelled by the movie as these vamps don’t mind tanning themselves under sunshine nor look at themselves in mirrors; they also do not bite people (It’s actually unhygienic and amounts to assault), instead pay or find donors through lancets, razors or needles to extract a little blood for their survival. They don’t sleep in coffins either, because this is racist.
That is, if this seems like blasphemy to vampire canon, it’s because in Bite Me the vampires are people in reality who think they are vampires. These people (and actual individuals) suppose of being the sort or malady that only human blood can alleviate. “Have you tried vitamins?” a character asks sardonically. They have tried and have gone to doctors and had tests run on them but nothing works for their ‘anemia on steroids’ condition except for human blood. Yes, they may lean into the mythos by going to goth vampire parties in derelict cathedrals and acting the part, but otherwise these are just other human beings walking around. They have a group of friends, they can go to church if they feel like it (even when it is a vampire church with only three members in a studio apartment), they love picnics and they make videos that are posted online. Vampires — just like us!
Sometimes called ‘clinical vampirism,’ this condition has over 50,000 sufferers listed in psychiatric literature alone. The film handles this sensitively and avoids judgmental language such as ‘mad.’ James is one character who stands proxy for others when he gives viewers an opportunity to get inside their small community; portrayed by Christian Coulson (best known as Tom Riddle, or Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter also starred Peter and John plus Mozart in the Jungle series). James works at IRS while his first big case is auditing an obscure church named The House of Twilight with Sarah as one of its members. As he suspects foul play however things get complicated when he meets Sarah –a blue- haired vampire.
Sarah played by writer/producer Naomi McDougall Jones is interesting; she once met a self-identified vampire on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire set. She even did an “interview with the vampire” pun intended before she began writing Bite Me as she explained to Aspen Times that she “wanted to make a movie for the real weirdos, for people who don’t feel seen, who don’t feel understood.” Like I mentioned earlier, the film is definitively a homage to the freak in everybody and James’ growing relationship with Sarah is actually a story about acceptance and learning how to respect and honor each other’s differences even if they are inexplicable to one another.
Irrespective of whether it’s politically correct or insensitive, this film does draw direct links between its character’s vampirism and LGBTQ+ experiences. Characters in Bite Me combat discrimination, worry over coming out, deal with stereotypes they can hit across due to ignorance or simply not fitting into a world obsessed with clear lines. Even James -the stuffy IRS man from England- conceals some part of his identity or tries hard not to reveal it being afraid; he sleeps with Mellowtron-a robot body pillow which was his father’s last gift before he died- because as a child James wished he were actually a robot. His mother wants him (or her) to be someone different and he only feels free when at his first gothic vampire rave where he discovers that being odd is okay.
This movie is about Sarah as they both feel vulnerable and start to open up to one another in spite of their apprehension that someone might see them for who they really are. This is shown in the film’s most memorable scene, a funny and beautiful sex scene where the two undress each other slowly while James keeps revealing more information about himself and his eccentricities. It is an inspiring scene of love, but the rest of the film does not live up to its themes or subject matter.
In fact, Bite Me succumbs to the exact same tropes of all the rom-com features it seems to willfully distance itself from. These characters don’t believe in the kind of love seen in movies, something expressed when Sarah gives the excellent and tender line, “You make me want everything I thought I was better than. You make me want that garbage.” Unfortunately, much of the movie is the exact thing Sarah thought she was better than. The script however fails to create meaningful relationships between characters which would have made this film interesting.
Though not garbage at all, it relentlessly imitates clichés rather than emotionally manipulative tactics used by romantic comedies throughout time. There’s such a thing as “delayed epiphany,” “the mad dash” after realization that one has missed their beloved because of a “strong assumption” resulting in poor communication and arguing on unnecessary things among others.
The music is amazing except for some moments where it all becomes utterly predictable. Though often rollicking with heavy guitars punctuated by percussive beats, sometimes punk-rock soundtrack disappears completely leaving room for those saccharine strings that always appear during climactic moments in romance movies. In addition, although very insightful and humorous at times, some parts of dialogue become dull despite having opportunity for interesting messages or no utterance—thus there are non-cheesy ROMCOMs with more style character observation and directorial skill needed; LA Story and the recent Palm Springs for example.
But if you are a fan of romantic comedies and don’t mind a little weirdness mixed in with all the traditional schmaltz and style, then this is likely one of those films that stands out amongst the others simply in terms of subject matter. The real-life vampire narrative is genuinely interesting, both as an allegory and as a way to explore unique experiences and subcultures. Even the blue-haired Sarah and her group have something interesting about them…that’s why Chrissy, played by Naomi Grossman who unfortunately is known for being Pepper from American Horror Story only by majority of people, makes it more captivating. She has brought this energy, comedy and humanity which are some of my favorite characters in recent “rom-com best friend” roles; she does the same thing with all her other characters (and I hope there will be many).
Bite Me certainly has its moments, but while its subject and characters are interesting, the film which surrounds them is surprisingly not. Despite putting on a vampire disguise what we have here is just another typical tearful rom-com.
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