An action-comedy that fails to find its footing, this movie is full of scatterbrained Antonio Banderas spouting Machiavelli while his criminal empire collapses. The Clean Up Crew is a story about struggling thieves, corrupt law enforcement agents and four crime scene cleaners who are involved in an extraordinary robbery attempt. With bloody split-screen edits and campy accompanying music, the film has the feel of Guy Ritchie’s movies where characters chat up their mouths with one another. Everything seems exaggerated, but there lies humor therein; however, The Clean Up Crew barely manages a few weak laughs.
Spanish gangster Gabriel Barrett (Banderas) has been ruthlessly controlling crime ever since he arrived in Ireland three years prior, and some people don’t like it. Danny and Jack are tired of being underpaid by Gabriel. Instead of giving it to their equally crooked Special Crimes Agency Officer, they choose to steal a case of bribe money from hired street goons. Well, let us just say the transaction did not go as expected. This loot cannot be found even though the police registered the aftermath. The Good Life Cleaners are called in to mop up the bloody crime scene.
In the early morning hours Siobhan (Melissa Leo), owner of the company summons Alex (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and Meaghan (Ekaterina Baker), who keep fighting all through breakfast into work. Meaghan wants nothing more than to marry him right away but he has been delaying forever. For instance Alex does not wish to open any funeral homes despite her ambitious plans for one at some point in future they bring along Charlie (Swen Temmel), a huge drug addict with extreme violence waiting beneath his surface on a tight leash by Siobhan herself.The red hazmat suits of these clean-up crew gear them up for gory business until they discover something big stuck inside a chimney.
The tone is set from the very beginning of the film where Banderas is gleefully hamming it up. Gabriel’s Machiavellian fixation, slick black hair and wiry mustache are completely ridiculous. But when he dramatically waves his gun like a symphony conductor, Gabriel just doesn’t seem scary enough. Furthermore even though they are often frightened by him, every now and then his inept henchmen tease him as well-stupidly clowns who don’t want them to be taken seriously.
Also, The Good Life Cleaners are kind of weird and almost cartoonish in a way. Her complaints about her employees being surrogate children and feeling unfulfilled in life sound exactly like Siobhan’s flawless Irish accent delivered by Leo. Alex and Meaghan really do love one another but their future seems unclear since they can never seem to agree on it. This is made worse by the unpredictable Charlie who takes PCP or does some other drug then passes out out of nowhere.Scary stuff anyway because they’re still going to have to take sides over that stolen money.
Alex and Meaghan envision themselves winners having won such a lucky lottery ticket. Siobhan reasons that whoever lost the case will return for it thereby exposing them all to danger. Who else could be their prime suspects? In discussing Alex and Meaghan, Charlie has a moment of clarity perhaps rare for him at which point he agrees with them. Charlie loves cash too much so he’ll fight for it alright.
Zero mysteries are attached to the plot by screenwriter Matthew Rogers (The Survivalist, Code Name Banshee). The cleaners, Gabriel’s dimwits and cops bounce into each other like ping-pong balls in scenes that make no sense whatsoever. In an extremely puzzling turn of events, Charlie seems to be the one person who can’t die after he has murdered a lot of people. When things go down as predicted, he is armed to the teeth. Charlie could be completely surrounded by heavily armed assassins and have every bullet miss him while he takes them all out without breaking a sweat or reloading his weapon.
Meanwhile, Alex doesn’t run around like a wild animal and unbelievably has misgivings about ploughing down baddies. His bantering with Charlie amidst the carnage is meant to be funny but it doesn’t work at all. Are we supposed to giggle at their indestructibility while everyone else gets ripped apart like Swiss cheese?
This style of editing used by The Clean Up Crew is very confusing and quickly becomes stale. Prolific director/producer Jon Keyes (best known for his cult hit American Nightmare) had made several VOD actioners with Rogers & Banderas before this movie too. In this instance, his overuse of split-screen might have been an attempt at distinguishing this film’s look (or further attempts to rip off Ritchie). This may have worked if all the action didn’t take place within a few limited spaces. Trying to add some pizzazz to tired sets we’ve seen before ad infinitum won’t do it for Keyes. It does not make warehouse interiors, forests or offices any more thrilling when you use different editing techniques on them; it just screams low budget.
At least something remains ill-fitting among The Clean Up Crew members though they try to hold onto straws for support when they are falling apart due to our attention away from them. None of the decent actors can save the laborious dialogue, weak plot and nondescript action. The pacing is also a problem as the film tries to fill its lean 90 minutes. Fans of Machiavelli’s The Prince will get off on Banderas constantly harping about it, but the joke gets old for everyone else pretty quickly. The movie is not as sharp as its main character thinks it is.
Yale Productions, LB Entertainment, Highland Myst Entertainment, et al; they are behind The Clean Up Crew. It will be released through VOD on August 20th by Saban Films and Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.
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